Self Injury Awareness Day

http://drdeborahserani.blogspot.com/2011/03/march-1st-is-self-injury-awareness-day.html

My friend Faycin A Croud shared this information. I kept the picture because it looks something like a young me. I have been self-harming for as long as I can remember. I used to hit myself as a child. I started cutting in my teens.

People who SI are often trying to:

* Distract emotional pain

* End feelings of numbness

* Calm overwhelming feelings

* Maintaining control

* Self-punish

* Express thoughts that cannot be put into words

* Express feelings for which there are no words

What are the types of self-injury?

* Cutting

* Burning

* Picking at skin

* Interfering with wound healing

* Hair-pulling

* Hitting

* Scratching

* Pinching

* Biting

* Bone-breaking

* Head-banging

It enrages me when people say that those who self-harm are merely engaging in "attention seeking behavior." Indirectly, I suppose that's true. It was a cry for help in my case. But first and foremost it was an attempt to defuse overwhelming feelings and replace emotional pain with physical pain. Sometimes it was also self-punishment.

Self-harm is a complex issue. I am glad there is a day dedicated to educating people about it.

Dolly's Dark Poetry Rant

I haven't written any poetry in quite some time. I stopped writing poetry in part because of being overworked and feeling uninspired to write at all, and in part because when I write depressive poetry, the few people that comment generally say things like "sounds like you're really depressed" and "maybe you should try counseling."

I don't mean to be snarky--I know they're trying to be helpful. But my first thought with the "sounds like you're depressed comment" tends to be "no shit, Sherlock, you think? I have a mood disorder and it's not exactly like I'm living anywhere close to high on the hog even though I work all the goddess-forsaken time. Maybe, just maybe, I am a wee tad depressed. And maybe that shouldn't come as a surprise. It says right there in my side bar that I'm a person who lives with mental illness."

Again, I'm not wanting to put down someone who genuinely means well. But people tend to be uncomfortable when anyone expresses any emotion other than being okay with their lives. This is a means for me to deal with my depressive feelings. Maybe I'd prefer you didn't try to soothe it away. When I write happy poetry, it tends to be shit. Funny perhaps, but shit nonetheless. It's usually funny only to me. 

As for counseling, don't make me laugh. Those fuckers don't get it. The only thing they get is my money from my pocketbook, and I need that shit to pay for food and housing. And the ones who work in the county mental health system are so overworked that they have no idea what to do with a person who isn't fairly well psychotic. They're used to dealing with critical cases, not the functioning mentally ill. So, no counseling for Dolly, thanks. Maybe if I win the lottery I'll consider springing for it. But I'm going to get a lot of chiropractic care and massages for my aching body first!