I have been in a spiritual crisis for quite some time but recently it seems to have gotten worse. I don't know if it's just part and parcel of being depressed, which is made worse by being overwhelmed, but nothing seems to bring me solace any more. I can't bring myself to meditate or do manifestation work as all I can think is "what's the use of any of it?" Of course I'm having a lot of trouble writing too. So all in all, yes, I'm depressed. Living on this planet as long as I have and having been born to be down, I certainly recognize that. I just wonder if anyone else has ever gone through a dark night of the soul where they question absolutely every aspect of their lives, their beliefs, their very soul, if we even have souls.
For my own part I tend to think that the majority of atheists I have encountered are real closed-minded buzz-kills. I prefer a position of open-minded skepticism. I believe that the soul (personality) is energy and energy does not cease to exist, it just changes form. I have been in the room with people who have died and I have sensed "something" leaving, and once it is gone, the body really is just a shell. We take it off like clothes or shed it like a cocoon when we are done with it. I really haven't ceased to believe that, I just seem to have become unable to FEEL it, or anything much at all besides despair. Maybe it's just part and parcel of living in these times. I swear, I have more stuff that's broken than that works. Maybe my own heart included.
For my own part I tend to think that the majority of atheists I have encountered are real closed-minded buzz-kills. I prefer a position of open-minded skepticism. I believe that the soul (personality) is energy and energy does not cease to exist, it just changes form. I have been in the room with people who have died and I have sensed "something" leaving, and once it is gone, the body really is just a shell. We take it off like clothes or shed it like a cocoon when we are done with it. I really haven't ceased to believe that, I just seem to have become unable to FEEL it, or anything much at all besides despair. Maybe it's just part and parcel of living in these times. I swear, I have more stuff that's broken than that works. Maybe my own heart included.
Now it seems life's passed me by, I'm still alone here
Here come the tears
Looks like it'll always be the same
No-one here to comfort me
Here come the tears
All alone, no-one cares
So much to give to you all out there
Take me now in your arms
Let me rest safe from harm
Oh, I want to be loved
I need to be loved
Won't somebody love me?"
An old favorite by Judas Priest
Any more I don't want romantic love--that shit just always goes sour. What I am yearning for is friends that understand and to reconnect to the higher power. I need it more desperately than I can say.
Sorry to go on and on this way. I've just felt this despair for so long.
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